Once again, the promise is made, to write this with complete honesty. The past couple months have been an explosion of growth. Growth from a catalyst through love, pain, suffering, anger, hatred, forgiveness, relief, YOGA, meditation, journaling, and back to love.
I had been wanting to express what has been going on, but wasn’t ready to share, as I could not yet grasp what had happened.
The writing could not come from a place of a healed heart. Even as I type this, my heart still feels like it has a crack or two, but ready to share. Someone very wise said, “the purpose of words is to move energy.” So here I am, making moves…
Cruise control: a system that takes over in order to maintain a steady speed. I don’t use it in my car, and not in my life either. I operate at different speeds, and this has quite possibly contributed to this most recent explosion of growth. Catalyst: a person or thing that precipitates an event. A catalyst was also very present, so as to make sure this propulsion occurred at such an explosive rate, there would be no going back. There would be no more residue left hiding.
Journaling has been in my life ever since I can remember. There was a long period where I did not write, and subsequently that was one of the most confusing and numb times in my life. Now I advocate journaling wherever I go. I often share with others that if you are having an issue with someone, write them a letter in your journal. You don’t ever have to send it, just write it down, get it off your chest and out of your head.
Now, creating this particular post has been challenging due to the involvement of other parties that I hold in high regard. Wanting to be respectful and honor privacy, while at the same time sharing how I truly feel about this experience. SO, I wrote a letter. Did not send it. And I am going to share it here. There is a part of me that is nervous about this, and there is a much louder part of me that feels my creativity cannot and must not, EVER, be stifled by my fears of what someone else might feel or think about it. Here is my letter:
I was sad we didn’t get to set a solid foundation. We did not build the magic I was hoping for, yet there was magic nonetheless, that occurred. We were out of alignment. We judged on those weeks, and then fear took flight as it carried you away. Understandably so. I stepped back to let you breathe, and while doing so, I learned and grew at an exponential rate. You were my catalyst, I chose you, you accepted; and for this I am forever grateful! Debris that had been looming just under my surface came plummeting out, and I am now free of those patterns I held. Thank you for that, I am forever grateful!
Then, feeling ready to come back together to discuss, share, build, and co-create something so beautiful & magical, was in my deepest desire. However, growth was still intensely happening, and alignment was still off. This time, with your help, I chose to to dive deep into my own cavern of darkness, pain, and suffering, in order to strengthen my resolve, root down even deeper, and expand to new heights. Up until these past months, I cannot recall a period where growth has happened at such a rate for me. Thank you for this, I am forever grateful!
I hold you dear in my heart, and hold love for you on every level. Everything happened perfectly, it is all beautiful, and as you said, no regrets. Whatever came up for you, what you learned, or how you grew from it, I continue to send love and light your way, as we are indeed, one.
Two days from now marks the departure of my next Gypsy travels up through CA, OR, NV, WA to teach, as well as learn, and especially CONNECT. Connect with nature, beautiful new souls, and old friends. A road trip with my beautiful, and very soon to be, full heart. And, OF COURSE, the trusty journal. Traveling while remaining in alignment, being mindful of how I feel every moment, so this journey will come from residing in my own vortex. I feel especially strong, and extremely excited for this! Breathe, Believe, Receive!!!
Hugs & Love,