Last post from Colombia! 1 week left in this beautiful country. So much has transpired here, and I’ve grown more than expected. Actually, my true feeling is that I am leaving a very changed woman. Even as this is being typed, I am telling myself to “go ahead, be honest.” Integrity is something I’ve been holding very close lately. So here it is…
Many experiences have occurred since being on this journey. Some pretty strong lessons have been thrust upon me since living in this Yoga studio/house in Medellin. Keeping in mind that on some level we require these experiences, in order to grow even stronger from them. I am not going into the details of this one specific lesson, as it was a very sacred and incredibly difficult process for me. After countless hours of anxiety, sadness, fear, loneliness, and uncertainty, I made one of the hardest decision I’ve ever come to. Long story short, I am stronger, more loving, appreciative and safe!
It is my intention now to discuss the affects this experience has had on me. I went through so many different emotions. It made me question what exactly was important to me right now, and where exactly I wanted to be. I realized that one of the aspects I am missing most is the connection with my family, tribe, and most of all, my nieces. The seeds I have planted all along this journey have been unspeakably humbling and inspiring to my heart. The desire to provide support to the two girls that I am so far away from, has lead to the decision to eventually return to Colorado. This is where I would like my home base to be. The exacts of when and where are still uncertain, but I know now that this specific experience has served to call me home.
A tree can only grow as tall, as its roots are strong. I am ready to put down roots in the mountains. My dreams and visions of this have been very intense and on-going for the past few months. Part of me feels a certain sadness that I will be returning much earlier than thought. There is fear that keeps coming up regarding how I will do back in the culture I was so eager to leave. The mindfulness of the yoga community in the states is so different than what is down here in Latin America. Will the eagerness to learn from a younger but wise and knowledgable teacher be there as much as here? Will I slip back into material wanting-ness? Will I find a supportive community where I can continue to grow and flourish?
During this time, a very intense and clear vision of going on the road to provide healing, trainings, and workshops, was presented. Working on this, as well as working on the digestion and healing process of this recent chapter has been exhausting. I am reminded daily that I am human, and every experience is a chance to learn and grow. So with my heart beating out of my chest while I type this to you, I know that in order to remain true to myself and my integrity, it is important to share my feelings. It’s understood that questions, assumptions, judgments, and worry might be racing through your mind. It’s ok. We are ALL entitled to our opinions. I love you just the same and unconditionally. See you soon!
Hugs and Love,