Have you ever, even for a brief time, lost your passion for something? Have you felt that withdraw in your head like maybe you shouldn’t bother; you will have time for it later? Or maybe you just weren’t cut out to do it in the first place? How do you find your way back? Well, recently, late at night, I was reminded how to find mine…
Couldn’t sleep tonight, so when the feeling draws, the flow must come through. Maybe you’ve heard of the saying, “If you don’t use it, you lose it.” I have been avoiding writing in here for quite some time. Kept pushing it aside with other tasks. Tonight in bed, as I toss and turn with annoyance, non-stop thoughts, feelings, images stirring in me, I reached up & switched on the light. Yes, time to nurture my passion.
Have felt a bit distracted from my usual spiritual self lately. My daily routines are mostly still in place, but I haven’t felt the same way as when I was writing during my travels. Something is missing. I suppose a certain part of my heart has been closed off. Maybe I threw up walls after an intense episode. Maybe in order for me to heal, and move on, I pushed another, incredibly important part of me down.
I feel tender. A bit afraid to pour my heart out again. Nervous of that dark space I traveled to. I want to be open & share. I want to let the feelings flow & sun shine in that place again. I am not sure how to do it. There is the consciousness of how the past is perfect. There is the consciousness of how the present moment is perfect. It’s the tomorrow that I am afraid of. When the pain was so dark, so rough, it does in fact frighten me to open again.
I feel happy in so many areas of my life, but can tell that I am not being 100%. I can tell in certain conversations that I hold back. I’ve learned valuable lessons of appreciating the moment; of self observation; and of conscious listening & speaking. In that process, have I closed off one of the best parts of me? Am I really better off right now? Do I really NEED to be better off? Better off than what? Any other moment? When there is actually only one? Realizing that my vision is unclear, it feels muddled. Like part of me is in a cage.
I love myself deeply. I stand in my power & truth, but lately it feels like 75% of my truth. Where is this other 25% hiding? How can I unlock it?
I hear this phrase again, “If you don’t use, you lose it.”
So I type. I feel. I type. Eyes beginning to blur like a windshield in a rain-storm and my body begins to soften like butter in a skillet. I feel lighter. My heart is pounding perfectly on beat & fiery passion is coursing through my veins. Writing this IS helping! As the gates of my heart will continue to open, I will remember, that if I choose to not let my creativity flow, it could get trapped in a deeper cage. It could become blocked with the tar of fear & unspoken words.
I will make this commitment to continue writing and let my soul out whenever she desires and calls. Let my heart bleed onto these pages. Right now, this is my way!
So listen to that voice that wakes you up in the middle of the night or that won’t let you sleep. Pay attention when you’re heart skips a beat at the thought of creating something. When you continue to express yourself in creative ways, you become more open to receiving, and therefore, fill yourself up to, and then over 100%. For when you listen and create, you pour more of yourself into the universe and in return, the universe pours more of itself into you!
Hugs & Love,
Gypsy Wolf