The emotionally-written following paragraph came out of me on the plane from LA to Phoenix a month ago. As my fingers typed it, my mind was positive it would remember exactly what I was thinking at that moment. Turns out, not so much! This is why it’s called “in the moment”…
I am going to try it, just to see if I can do it. Curiosity creates. Baby steps crossing the bridge to freedom. The distance is just getting grandeur and more beautiful. Revolution of the most serene. Revelation of my soul. Remembering our love through the music of life.
After that moment, I was reminded of the word Innocence. And how returning to it can be such a fulfilling, yet tough and beautiful walk, (and yes, sometimes crawl.) Writing this comes at a perfect time due to residing at my Dad’s house for the moment. Talk about returning to childhood memories or revelations there from. When I say the word innocence, one tends to think of childhood. Not me. The word innocence brings to mind wholeness, purity, bliss, ease, joy. Maybe even innocence at birth. But childhood?? Well that was rather traumatic. Was yours??
Here is what I thought at first: my childhood was completely normal! Then when I started my Healing from Within Journey with my first mentor, I was like: WHAAAAAAAAAT????? It wasn’t normal? You mean not every one had screaming matches that involved verbal, mental, emotional, and sometimes physical abuse with family members??? NOPE! You mean rejection, unworthiness, betrayal, abandonment aren’t emotions that a healthy childhood has??? NOPE! Please keep in mind this is not to blame or excuse ANYONE! From my vision now, it ended up all being perfect and necessary. So maybe in that aspect, it was perfectly healthy.
Abuse, neglect, betrayal, abandonment, etc., may be common in this world of growing-up, but it most certainly isn’t “normal.” I suppose at this point I will define normal. So, according to Webster’s…
-usual or ordinary : not strange
-mentally and physically healthy
Suffice to say, one(especially a child) is not mentally, or physically healthy from the wounds listed above.
These wounds DID, however, provide excellent grounds for what was to come later. For the strength that was needed to start climbing up my mountain, these experiences and emotions had to happen and had to be instilled THEN. The fire in me that I thought was smothered was taking time for love and light to feed the ambers that burned hotter than ever before. When it was ready, I sprouted and blossomed like a fire-breathing flower! I grew. Oh I grew baby, like a phoenix right out of that fire!
Compassion. Compassion for those who are, and have been, in our lives to help with this journey. To help us remember, either by smothering, covering, stomping on, throwing away, guiding out, giving permission, accepting, loving, returning, to innocence.
“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts,
there can be no more hurt, only more love.”- Mother Teresa
Hugs and Love,